Who matters to you most?
And how has that changed over the past year?
Perhaps a better question is – how has the way you relate to those that matter to you most changed?
In this past week we have been surrounded by statistics of death and loss due to Covid-19. Each of these statistics represents a gaping hole of loss in a family. And the nature of Covid-19 has also meant that it was likely the loved ones were not able to be present at the end of their family member’s life – a devastating sadness and emptiness that will never go away.
As you reflect on your own Nearest-and-Dearest, what do you value about them that perhaps before you took for granted?
It might also be that there are aspects of their characters that are simply driving you nuts, having lived and worked and breathed in the same claustrophobic space together for the better part of a year.
Hmmm.
But it does no harm to stop and consider who matters to you most and how best to value and appreciate them.
How do you relate to those around you?
This is the second key to happier living, as outlined by the Action for Happiness folk. You can read more about that here.
Their research shows that people with strong relationships are happier, healthier and live longer. We derive meaning, love and support from having healthy and close relationships with family and friends. Knowing that we belong to a social tribe allows us a home, where we have a voice and a place.
Therefore it follows that ensuring that we are connecting well with our loved ones and friends, and taking action to strengthen those connections is vital to our happiness and well being.
And now more than ever.
It is no longer enough to take those we love for granted. Covid-19 has shown us that we do not live in safe bubbles, immune to unexpected and catastrophic loss.
We never know what is going to happen, and therefore how much more important to tell people we love them before it is too late. More on this here.
I know that in the past, I have erred on the side of being oh-so-Scottish and side stepped specific opportunities to express love, thanks and appreciation to other people.
It can feel…well, a little awkward.
Equally, it is entirely possible to be relating to those who matter to us but doing it badly.
Sometimes when life is very busy and we are consumed with non-stop-treadmill-running (pandemic or not), or we are in a bad place, or tough things are going on, our relationships can become functional without closeness, or characterised by anger, judgement, criticism, despair or disappointment.
Sometimes we just don’t listen properly, or are so consumed with our own situations we can’t see beyond the end of our nose.
We take others for granted, or only see what irritates us about them.
We keep meaning to phone that friend for a proper chat, but somehow never get round to it.
Sometimes we simply lose sight of what it is to have fun with our friends and nearest-and-dearest.
But if this pandemic has taught us anything, it is to not waste opportunities.
So this week, take some time to specifically and vocally appreciate those who matter to you most.
Encourage has the word COURAGE at it’s centre.
Sometimes it takes courage to overcome our natural inhibitions or fears to tell someone we love them, or that they are beautiful, or that they are persevering with grace and integrity despite the hardship of their circumstance.
To really listen to someone, to hear their heart and then affirm and encourage them for who they are is to give a precious gift – to whom can you give it this week?
Who matters to you most and how can you relate to them this week? Perhaps an offer of practical help, or a wee gift. Maybe a card or unexpected text of encouragement. Hang out with your family for no other reason than you simply want to be with them, and tell them so. Call someone for a catch up. More ideas on Giving from last week.
It matters not what you do, it matters that the people who matter to you most, know.